[no, I am not going to do six parts…]

So, why am I so hard on myself? It’s the only way I know how to be.  It’s just that simple.  I wished I had a more compelling answer, but I don’t.

One thing that may cause the “asshole” label is that I am hard to get to know (but to know me is to love me, I truly believe this).  I have a shell around me that is hard to get through.  Every time I get hurt, and I do, I put up another layer.  It’s kind of like “99 layers of Mike on the wall, 99 layers of mike, peel one back, 98 layers of Mike on the wall…”  This, probably, is a one thing that rubs people the wrong way…

People don’t seem to realize that I am quite an emotional person.  When I get cut…I bleed.  When I get hurt…I cry.  I don’t let too many people inside my “bubble” because inevitably, I get hurt and then I shut them out and add that new layer making it harder for the next person to get in and harder for me to get out.  So much so, that even my closest friends don’t know it all.  There is a few people that I’d like to let in but it seems as if they don’t want to come in… They’d rather stay on the outside…and in a way I don’t blame them.  But once you start to peel those layers away, you find that true person that I am.  And that person is the humble, loving, caring, funny, witty guy that I know I truly am…  so few see that.  So few want to see that.  That’s why the layers still exist…

[In fact, I wrote 2 poems, “In My Bubble” and “In My Bubble Part II” and also one called “In My Corner” that explain a lot of what goes inside my head.]

I wrote a blog post in February called “From The Heart” that is very telling of how I feel.  I know not a lot of people read this blog.  But if you are reading it, then I know you care.  And that makes me feel good to know that somebody cares.

[I had an entire response in my head in the car coming home from the gym, but when I sat down to write this, I only remember bits and pieces.  If only I could write and drive…]